Thought: Break Free From Opinions
One of the greatest needs we all have is the need for approval.
Success in our societies today is determined by the approval of others. Think about likes, views, impressions, streams… The list goes on.
From a student getting recognized by their peers to a crowd of fans cheering on their favorite football team. It's all about the same thing, validation!
We learn this as children. We are subconsciously taught to earn recognition, praise, celebration, prizes, etc. We are conditioned to seek approval and ultimately validation.
It's not all doom and gloom. Our need for approval can be a positive driving force in some aspects of our lives. But if left unchecked, it can become a major hindrance in other places.
For years, I struggled with the need for approval. I remember playing bass guitar at a church service and someone else being told to replace me because I wasn’t good enough to play at a conference. Talk about embarrassing and depressing!
This impacted how I saw myself and what I thought I was capable of musically. I felt I had to prove them wrong and eventually I did but the damage was done. It took much internal work and dedication to overcome this huddle but eventually, I did.
However, if I could talk to 18-year-old Oba who was struggling with the need for external validation, I would tell him two things:
1. Be Authentic
You can’t be your true self if your focus is always on pleasing others and getting their approval. There will be times when the action or decision needed goes against the grain and others might not approve of them. Embrace those moments and lean fully into your authenticity.
2. Detach your value from the opinions of others
Most people try to detach only the negative opinions of others from their self-worth. This never works because as long as their positive words impact your value, the negative can as well. The main source of your validation cannot be external.
You are a person of value regardless of opinions and the earlier you realize that by yourself, the better.
This is not to say that you should not appreciate and welcome compliments or positive feedback.
But no external opinion (good or bad) should significantly affect how you feel about yourself.
It’s not humility to let the words of others break you down.
Remember, if their approval makes you, their rejection will likely break you.
Rooting for you as always!
